Rambling with Words

Saturday, November 23, 2002

Depression and anarchy

I am stressing out from all that needs to be done at work and having extra supervisory duties with L on medical leave. I was so glad to see it was 5:00 pm on Friday.

Then I went to see L'America, directed by Gianni Amelio. This is an italian film set in Albania in 1991 when communism collapsed along with the economy and thousands of Albanians fled to Italy, or tried to. It follows a couple shady italian con men who get an albanian, who's been imprisoned since WW2 by the communists who overthrew Mussolini, to front for their company so they can get money from the italian government.

The front man wants to leave Albania also and leads one of the con men on a surrealistic trip with the refugees as they endure a difficult and dangerous trip spurred on by starvation and anarchy in Albania. The movie was showed the conditions that spur refugees into daring to flee and also the unrealistic expectations they have of the country they are going to.

I was very moved by the whole movie, the total lack of socialization of many of the children left on their own, the amazing love and caring so many of the refugees showed their children under apalling conditions and the cheapness of life when civilization breaks down. Anarchists have an appealing message, let everyone do what they want as long as they don't harm anyone. This just doesn't work. There needs to be a structure for people to live their lives in and this means government. The government, however, needs to be constantly monitored and checked by the people and by checks and balances in the government.

Well, I was depressed by the time I got home and cried and couldn't sleep and today I've felt a lack of joy in everything most of the day. It wasn't just the stress or the movie but several factors, including the holidays coming up. I never handle them well since I always want the movie Thanksgiving and Christmas and I've never had that. I've had some good ones but I still get depressed when the holidays show up.

I did find another geocache today and did a little shopping and I feel a little better now but not great. I hate it when I get like this. Well, hate isn't quite it because being depressed can be addictive. I hate that it wastes so much of my time, because it does waste time when I don't do anything because nothing is interesting.