I can't even get very upset about tv tonight, which is a sign of true relaxation. I'm treasuring these moments because I know they won't last. See, I can't really enjoy being happy because there's always this undercurrent of waiting for something to drop.

Now I'm depressing myself. Well, not that much. I feel too relaxed to make the effort to get depressed. Have you ever noticed how much effort it takes to be depressed? You really have to work at it. Depression is exhausting.

Cat keeps sniffing around the door. Sometimes she just sits in front of door like that's going to get me to open the door and let her out. When I do let her out she's rarely out more than a few minutes and back she comes. She never goes very far, probably because this is such a large complex that there are always people coming by and if anyone comes by she runs back inside.

I'm watching an opera on PBS, 'The Queen of Spades', which I've never heard of before. It's in a foreign language, Italian I think. I'm not an opera buff. The action is rather slow and I don't usually know what they're saying. This is one reason I prefer musicals but they are a bit lightweight compared to a good dramatic opera. Sometimes I enjoy watching an opera and just let the music roll over me. The sets and costumes are wonderful to look at and everyone is so poised and dramatic.