Williams drew very interesting sketches of the empire, the emperors, their armies and the barbarian tribes they fought. I gained a good overview of the roman empire as it reached it's height and started going downhill. He also made the various tribes that flowed throughout europe a little better understood and much better differentiated instead of just the lump designation of "barbarian".

I can scan pictures and save them to my hard drive. I then have to reboot and then I can move them to my zip disk. When I scan it makes my zip drive disappear. It still shows on explorer and the folders show but you can't access any of the files and if I put in a different zip disk, it won't even change the folders to the ones on the new disk. It is driving me crazy.

I picked up a couple books at the library this afternoon and am going to try again to participate in a couple online book discussion books. I always seem to get sidelined and miss the discussions till too late. We shall see.

Big sigh of relief. I had a very good review yesterday at work. I always do and I know I do a good job but I still feel like I'm a failure and everyone knows it. At least I have finally gotten to the point that when people at work are whispering I don't think it's about me.

I think it's all those years while growing up of trying to be a good girl and feeling like I failed because my parents sent me away to school and I felt it was because I wasn't good enough. I then tried to be a good wife and was told for five years that nothing I did was right, and I believed it. Well I believed it in part of my mind even though I also realized that I wasn't that bad and it was just because Roger was/is a real control freak.

Part of it was a feeling of knowing I wasn't that bad but I couldn't seem to belong anywhere or fit in anywhere or succeed at anything, so maybe I was wrong. It was like the dreams where you are running as fast as you can and don't get anywhere. I get pissed now because I spent so many years afraid and guilty when I had no reason to be. Even now I have to continually remind myself that I am ok. Weird, strange, not really average, but still ok.