But at home life just gets so usual. So ordinary. So the same as the days before. I know it's tiring to always have things change, but it's always boring to always have things the same, especially when the same means all the things I needed to do yesterday, still need to be done today. It's not like I have bad things to look forward to, just nothing special. Besides, I always have to make an effort, even on good days, to act normal; to pretend I'm like other people. All my life I've felt like I am such a fake as I just don't naturally act like everyone else. I used to think that I was really weird, or that everyone else felt the same and we were all acting, but I couldn't imagine that other people could be such great actors.

Once I was up, though, it was ok. After all, it is Friday. I'm all ready to go ten minutes earlier than usual. By the time I get done the details I remember as I'm ready to head out the door mean that I'm not as ahead as I thought I was. It usually takes me a couple tries to make it out the door. If I'm only a block away ,if walking or biking, I may come back but if I'm taking the bus I rarely have time. Because of this I have deodorant, toothbrush and toothpaste at work.

The walk to work (one of the ways in which I am considered strange, especially in such a car town like Tucson) was great. There was a nice chill in the air and I had a great walk. Halfway to work I stopped at McDs and got a sausage biscuit, one of my favorite breakfast foods. I've tried sausage biscuits at other places, but McDs makes the best. I buy there every week or two since it's one of my potty stops when walking to work. I'm always drinking coffee and have to stop to pee on my way to work. I am in awe of people who can go all day, or even half day, without peeing. I can't even go a few hours.

I leave the apartment just as it's getting light outside and the sun hasn't cleared the horizon. The sky has those clear pastel colors that fade from blue to pink and back to blue in the west and a golden glow in the east. There wasn't a cloud to see this morning so it was beautiful.

I'm on the 8:00 shift this month, instead of the 7:00 so I had time to stop for coffee before work. I love having a cup of coffee and reading a book before I have to get to work. If I just stay home that extra hour I end up watching tv or playing on the computer, which is fine, but reading for a while with a good cup of coffee always seems more relaxing.

I kept busy today. There just seemed to be so many things I needed to get done. I love having a variety of projects but today it seemed like I didn't have time to get them done and no time to do the things I especially enjoy, like working on a web page, or checking out a computer program. I got done what needed to get done but I had more loose ends than I like.

Considering how totally disorganized my homelife is, my worklife is usually very organized. I'm not naturally organized, but have taught myself to do things in a way that helps me keep on top of things at work. I'm good at what I do but I do jump from job to job more often than I should. At home I do the same thing, which is why I always have a multitude of unfinished projects, but I don't have the push to keep on top of them or the order imposed by priorities outside of myself, as at work.

As I type I have a German program on. It's a station on cable and it seems like a German news and features channel. Occasionally I've run into a program on it that is in other languages but it seems to be a foreign language program for people in Germany. Sort of like a Spanish news show in the US. It did once have a Spanish broadcast about the news in Germany. Since I know some Spanish it was a little strange to listen to. Sort of like listening to local news when traveling. It just doesn't seem quite right.

I keep hoping that some of the German will sink in but so far it hasn't worked any better than the language tapes I've been working on for ten years, off and on. More off than on so I always have to start at the beginning when I decide that I THIS TIME I am going to learn a foreign language. The German shows are more like background since I understand so few words. It's comforting to listen to people speaking but not as distracting as if they were speaking English.